We need to talk
by Ilich
Summary: "We need to talk." Those three words were Ivan's worst nightmare, he had heard them so many times through his not so long life that this time, he couldn't stop himself from cringing at the sound of them.
1. Chapter 1

Ivan was trying to cope with his life.

He had been promoted recently, meaning that now he had his own office. It wasn't full of luxuries but it was better than the shared cubicles he was in. Sure he met Tolys there so the experience hadn't been so bad.

This office was a good way of indulging in his wish to seclude himself. He was accustomed to having his own space since he was a child. Paradoxically, he was sharing his apartment with Tolys and that had evolved in a slow process of Ivan adjusting to the new company.

He didn't mind sharing the place, Tolys made it look less generic, more warm and cozy; the problem was spending time together. Ivan felt guilty but there were days or hours of the day when he wanted to be alone and Tolys was usually around. The promotion didn't help much, Ivan had to take some of his work to finish at home, and that meant he needed to focus on that and not on his partner.

"We need to talk."

Those three words were Ivan's worst nightmare, he had heard them so many times through his not so long life that this time, he couldn't stop himself from cringing at the sound of them.

He didn't want to have this conversation right now, not right here. His office was like a sanctuary if Tolys wanted to talk they could do at home, in the living room or the dining table. Yes, that was the place to deliver important or sentimental words, it was there where you'd show your parents your bad grades, where you'd discuss with friends about your financial problems, where you'd get the news of grandma's death, you didn't do any of those things in an office, so why would Tolys decide to disturb him at work?

A brief look at Tolys told him that he had to bear with the situation, the brunette was in the doorframe, wearing one of his usual formal suits, crossing his arms and frowning.

Ivan sighed, pulling aside a stock of unfilled papers. "What is the matter?"

Tolys stepped inside closing the door behind him. "Ivan we both know this isn't working."

There it was, the same old discourse, a long string of apologetic words, telling him how it wasn't his fault, how the relationship had grown cold and now, it was time to part ways.

Ivan couldn't say he didn't expect it, he was astonished that Tolys had stayed so long with him. The guy was patient, sweet and caring but Ivan had to focus on his work, it wasn't his fault that he got a promotion, unlike Tolys, he couldn't spare a weekday to have a romantic date anymore, he couldn't refuse to deliver the reports his boss requested.

Ivan met Tolys gaze, the brunette was talking heatedly, his cheeks were slightly flushed, he looked really good like that, it was a shame that he wouldn't have the chance to see that face but under very different circumstances again.

Tolys hand brushed past his own and Ivan focused back in the brunette's words. "You aren't even listening to me."

"I'm sorry." Ivan glanced at the closed door, they shouldn't be having this conversation in here. The brunette was seated in front of him, looking intently at him, this was way too close to be considered professional.

Tolys' hand retreated, his voice was slightly louder. "No, Ivan, this is what I was talking about, you look like you are here but you are not. I know you have a lot of things to do, I know how important your work is but I can't spend my life with someone who doesn't care about anything but himself."

Ouch, that was hurtful and strangely new. Ivan hoped the people outside weren't able to hear them.

Tolys straightened his posture and continued. "You have to get your life together and I am not willing to wait until you do it. You have to commit if you want a relationship to last. I'm sorry Ivan but it's better if we end our relationship now, before it turns into something worse."

The last words were echoing in Ivan's mind, something worse, did that mean that they currently had a messed up relationship?

The brunette shifted in his seat. "Ivan, did you hear what I said?"

Yes, every word of it was in Ivan's memory now. He wanted to nod, to give an affirmative answer, but his mind betrayed his will and he ended up saying the most stupid thing he could say.

"Why?"

Tolys gave a long exasperated sight. "Really? Ivan we barely see each other, we have no common interests and you refuse to participate in any activity I propose. I always end up compelling with your plans, and at this point, I think you only put up with me because you don't want to be lonely."

Ivan felt a slight prickle of pain in his chest, hearing the truth was hard. He nodded slowly and replied calmly. "Oh, alright then."

Tolys shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. The thing about him, that Ivan couldn't stand, was his nervous demeanor, he always seemed to be scared or anxious, and Ivan felt as if he had something else to tell him. The thought of him being scared offended him, how could he think that Ivan would hurt him? But Ivan couldn't blame him, it was just natural that Tolys would be scared to break up with him, he was taller and stronger, Perhaps that's why he chose this place.

Ivan glanced at the clock in the wall and sighed. "Tolys, I am sorry I made you waste your time."

After those words, the brunette opened his eyes noticeably, he shook his head and muttered. "You didn't. It's just…. it didn't work… I'm sorry."

Ivan couldn't stand to look at him so he focused on the plant by the window. "No do not apologize, it's my fault- "

The brunette loosened his tie. "No, you… I'm sorry, you deserve to know...I.. I met someone else and.. I'm sorry."

Ivan only stared at Tolys, what else could he possibly do? He didn't know what was worse, Tolys way of delivering the news or his own words. "Well, I hope you are happy."

Seriously, what was happening to him? he worked in a godforsaken embassy, his work consisted in delivering difficult situations and smothering them with the right words. Why was his brain making him say all those stupid things?

A gasp escaped from the brunette. "You don't care at all?"

"No, Tolys I do care but-"

He interrupted, waving his hand. "No, just… leave it like that, it's better."

Tolys steps echoed in the wooden floor.. "Goodbye Ivan."

Ivan didn't glance back at him, he was both furious and humiliated. The pile of papers in the desk mocking him.

When the door closed, Ivan was left alone with his thoughts. He should have expected something like this would happen sooner or later. He decided to dive back into his pile of work if he didn't pay attention to anything else it would be just as if nothing had happened, right?


	2. A friendly Hug

"Braginsky, we need to have a word."

Ivan sighed, he was having the worst day of his life, no, scratch that, there were worse days but still, Tolys had broke up with him yesterday and him, being the idiot he was had mentioned it to Katya and she made a fuss about it insisting on visiting him so he could "cry his heart out" as she put it.

Ivan didn't mind talking with Katya but she was always worrying about every little detail, she didn't need to think about his problems too, on top of that he couldn't find his cat since last night and now he was being called by his boss, which was never a good thing.

Ivan stared at the mahogany table in front of him, the papers on it were placed neatly, the Russian wasn't surprised by the tidiness, Ludwig had always been like that, what did surprise him, was the little eraser next to the pens, it had the shape of a pizza, with vibrant colors, it looked like a kid's toy.

Noticing Ivan's stare, Ludwig placed the eraser in one of the drawers of his desk.

The blue eyed man, cleared his throat."I want to talk about the report you gave in today."

Ivan focused on his boss. "Of course, is there something wrong?"

Ludwig placed the papers in front of him, it was heavily underlined and was full of comments and notes by the sides of it. The blue eyed man frowned "Something wrong? Ivan, this is by far the worst report I've ever read. it looks like a threat."

"A threat?"

"Yes, the language is ambiguous but the hostility is too noticeable, we can't use it, it looks like a passive aggressive letter."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows, a wave of embarrassment passed through him, he had written that communicate the night Tolys broke up with him, perhaps his anger at the portly confessed cheating had swept into his writing. He took the paper in his hands and sighed "I'll try to correct it."

Ludwig shook his head. Taking a file from his pile and examining it. "No, I've been thinking and it's better if you take a break from work. I already asked Matthew to tone it down."

Ivan panicked, was he being sacked? "Excuse me?"

His boss refused to meet his gaze, flipping the pages of the file. "Yes, there have been some...uhh... requests from your coworkers, they said that you are overworking, and that affects the working environment, as you seemed to be stressed and well, the others feel pressured by you.."

Ivan frowned, who could have possibly said those things? "I don't think that's right.I haven't been disrespectful with anyone."

Ludwig stared at him for a brief second but Ivan felt himself exposed, as if the blue eyed man had managed to see his exhaustion and notice his sleepless nights. "I know, you've been working a long time already so even when the news are a bit exaggerated, they hold some truth. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't read this report."

Ivan's words were hurried, not enough to show the self-assuredness he wanted. "Sir, I can correct it."

The file was placed in front of him, a schedule showing his work hours. Ludwig kept his face emotionless. "No, Braginsky, I checked and your vacations had been delayed for too long. Take a break from work, recharge your energies and then, you can come back."

"But-"

"it's not questionable, I discussed it with the committee yesterday and they approved, the decision has been taken. You have been scheduled a month of vacation but it may increase due to your previous delayed ones."

With that, Ivan was left with no choice but to obey, he was notified of his vacation period, starting from the next day, Ivan was relieved that he didn't lose his job but now he had time to be alone, to think about what had happened.

Dreading his way back home, he took the longest road, hoping it would keep him from entering his empty apartment, it made him feel sad, not only was Tolys absence a reminder of his failed attempts at having a relationship, but his cat was nowhere to be seen, worrying him even more.

The faint light leaking through the window made him aware of the hour, it was already late, not that he had to wake up early or anything, but night had come in a matter of seconds, and he hadn't prepare any dinner.

With a heavy sight, Ivan propped himself up, fighting against the weight and tiredness that had kept him in his car since he arrived from work.

He opened the car's door and looked at the market around the corner, If he was going to indulge himself in sadness, he might do so with some vodka as well.

In the grocery store he was rummaging through the aisles, looking through out the lines of bottles, once he found the ones that reminded him of his homeland, he took a bottle of vodka and went to the register, the old lady in front of him gave him a strange look. Ivan ignored her, looking around impatiently and tapping his foot.

When the transaction was finished he passed through the glass door and hurried to his car.

A loud voice made him stop in his tracks."Ivan is that you?"

The voice was familiar, in fact it was the kind of voice Ivan would recognize even in his deathbed.

He turned to see a silly American smile and sighed.

"Dude, you look like shit." the american was wrapped in a winter coat, carrying a small travel bag with him.

Ivan replied tiredly. "Thank you Alfred, is nice to see you too."

Alfred dropped his bag and approached him for a hug. "Sorry, but you look like you were mugged and then run over by a truck."

Ivan complied, giving the american a small smile. "Well, I feel like that, so there no much of a difference. What are you doing here?"

The american gave him an apologetic look."I came to pay Mattie a visit, but he can wait, priority number one is to take you out of the whole you are in."

The russian shook his head, glancing down. "Alfred, I'm just tired, some good sleep will and tomorrow I'll be better."

Alfred mocked him."I don't know Vanya, the vodka in your hand tells me that wasn't your plan."

Ivan laughed nervously. "Oh this, it's only because I've run out of it, I'm not going to get myself drunk, just replace the empty one."

"Dude, don't lie, let yourself be pampered by a friend once in your life. Say, do you still live near here?"

Ivan nodded. "Yes."

"Can I stay the night there?"

Ivan ganced at the apartment complex, at his window, the curtains were open but there was no light coming from the inside, of course there wouldn't, nobody was there, not even his cat knocking things out of the shelf. "Sure."

"Good, let me grab some things here and then we can go."

Ivan stayed out with Alfred's bag, he glanced at the glass entrance after the blonde was inside, his reflexion showed him that Alfred's words were no exageration. He looked so pale,his hair was tousled, his tie was out of its proper place, no wonder the old lady back there was looking at him, he looked like a mess, a mess that was buying alcohol. He could pass as a drunktard if it weren't for his not wobbly way of walking.

Alfred came out of the store a few minutes later, carrying a paper bag, smiling brightly, making silly jokes and refusing to reveal what he had bought.


	3. We are idiots

"Let's chat a bit." Alfred said once he stepped into the apartment.

The American made a beeline to the kitchen, setting down the bag he carried from the store and turning on the stove.

Ivan stayed dumbfounded in the entrance until embarrassment took over him. "You don't need to do that."

Alfred laughed, rummaging through the counters."Of course, I do. Let me be."

Ivan closed the door and decided to watch the American from the kitchen door. Knowing that he was just as unyielding if not much more than himself.

Setting a frying pan in the fire, Alfred asked. "So, why are you all disheveled?"

Ivan sighed, glancing at the window. The city was visible from there, full of bright lights and tall buildings. He remembered liking the view at the beginning, but now, it resembled a painting or a picture where he was out of the frame, it did not feel like a place where he actually spent his days.

He replied shortly. "I can't find Boris"

Alfred turned his head and raised an eyebrow. "Boris is your cat, right? I can't believe you used that name, it sounds so weird."

The Russian laughed. "And whose fault is that? I wanted to give him another name."

Alfred focused back on his task and muttered. "I did not rescue that cat for you to name him Vodka... or Boris"

Ivan scoffed back. "Boris was appropriate for that cat, he survived a fire, he is totally a Boris. I don't know, but I'm getting the feeling that he won't come back."

Without turning to look at him, Alfred replied. "Oh, that sucks man. When was the last time you saw it?"

This was the difference between Tolys and Alfred; while one was constantly worried and on edge, the other was laid-back and direct. The Russian mentally smacked himself, he shouldn't be doing such comparisons.

Ivan looked up, the last time he saw Boris was on Thursday. When he opened his door late at night and found out that Tolys had moved out. The fluffy cat had been playing around with a sock."Last night." He answered.

The smell coming from the kitchen was getting stronger, even though it looked like Alfred was frying something, the smell reminded Ivan how hungry he actually was. The Russian tried to peek at what the other was doing but the American kept on blocking his view.

Alfred hummed "Don't be so negative. Did you try putting some of his food outside?"

The Russian looked down at the untouched bowl of cat food. Feeling tiredness all over him again. "No, I don't think he'll come back"

"Why not?"

Ivan fixed his gaze on Alfred's back, he was taking a dish from the top counter. "I haven't paid much attention to him lately."

Alfred's reply was simple. "It's a cat, they don't need you around 24/7."

Ivan sighed, glancing at the door. "Well, no. I just guess he found someone better, someone who pays attention to him and loves him more."

Alfred's footsteps approached, his voice was closer too. "But you love your cat, don't you?"

"Well, yes but I don't blame him for leaving me."

Ivan looked at Alfred, he was placing two plates in the table. the Russian felt a smile creeping on his lips. He should've expected the homemade hamburgers, they were Alfred's signature food.

The american returned to the kitchen, taking two glasses and a big soda. "Well, you can only hope for him to return. Meanwhile, we are going to find a good picture of Boris and post it in some missing pets groups, we could also print some and place them around, if someone sees it, they'll call."

"That's a good idea."

The drink was poured and Alfred handed him a glass. "Here, eat."

Taking it, the Russian smiled softly, Ivan was glad not to be alone. "Thank you, Fredka".

"It's fine dude."

They ate in silence, except for the occasional questioning about flavor that Alfred asked.

Once finished, Ivan retrieved the plates to the kitchen, starting to wash them.

This time, Alfred was the one watching him, the American leaned on the doorframe.

"Ivan…"

"Yes?"

The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes."Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Sighing, Ivan turned back to Alfred, giving him an apologetic look. "See? I didn't want to tell you because it's just something you can't fix."

Alfred followed him to the living room. "Well, I never said it had to be fixed. You just have to overcome it, eventually. How are you feeling?"

Ivan was weary of having this conversation but perhaps it was the time for him to speak up about it. He took a seat and fidgeted with the remote. "Horrible, all I could say to him was "I hope you are happy" like I wasn't even mad, I don't know what's wrong with me, but all I felt at that moment was apathy. The sadness only got to me when I came back and noticed he had packed his things and left."

"Well, it's not wrong, you just didn't process the situation, that's completely normal."

"Is it?"

"Yes, I see it all the time, with the people we rescue, some of them get into a state of shock, they can't move, talk or hear. Some stay paralyzed, looking at the flames while we have to carry them outside."

Alfred took the control from his hands, taking one into his and rubbing circles in his palm.

"At least you reacted the same day, some people take days, months or even years to face the situation."

Ivan relaxed his posture, Alfred's hands were warm, unlike his own. "But you are talking about emergencies, about fires, I am talking about something harmless."

Alfred's blue eyes focused on his, worry was coating Alfred's usually smiling face. "Vanya, if you are so affected by it, then it isn't harmless."

Ivan dismissed with his hand, the warmth that Alfred was giving him was lost with the movement. "But I am not affected, I just got vacations in the worst moment possible."

Alfred started to change the channels. "Perhaps it is for the better. You can take some time for yourself."

Ivan whined. "But I don't want it. Being alone makes me think about what Tolys said."

"And what did he say?"

The words were easy to remember, they were repeating in his mind like a broken record since the brunette had uttered them. "That I was not prepared to compromise, that I only cared about myself."

"Is it true?"

The question surprised him, he was expecting Alfred to reassure him, to deny, instead, he was questioning the veracity of those words.

He couldn't hide his confused tone. "What?"

"Those words, are they true?"

A wave of frustration passed over him, the Russian replied hesitantly. "I.. I don't know… I can't see those behaviors in myself."

Alfred sighed, placing a hand on the Russian's shoulder. "Well, I can't say much because we have been apart for so long, but sometimes you'd get absorbed in your work, perhaps that's what makes you look self-centered."

"Perhaps…" Ivan echoed.

"You should really give yourself a break, travel somewhere, have new experiences. It'll be good for you."

Ivan was relieved, Knowing Alfred will not let him indulge in self-pity but wouldn't attack him either made him feel safer. "Thanks, Alfred."

The American snorted. "It's funny, I wouldn't have pictured myself having this conversation when we were in high school."

Alfred was right, they couldn't stand seeing each other back then, they only grew closer by the end of the last school year. "Me neither."

The American embraced him tightly. "It's nice to have you as my friend, Ivan. I really appreciate you and if you need anything, you can always ask me, ok?"

Ivan returned the embrace. "Thanks, you can count on me too, Fredka."

Alfred jerked back and shook him a bit, talking excitedly. "Oh, I almost forgot, guess whose house almost catch fire two days ago?"

Ivan chuckled. "Was it Mr. Kirkland's again?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "No, well yes but that's a current occurrence this one was new. Do you remember Yao?"

Ivan averted his gaze."I.. yes, I do."

Alfred took out his phone and started to scroll down in it. " His cousin was visiting, and the guy is a little enthusiastic with firecrackers, he almost burns the whole house."

Ivan didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to stay silent either, Alfred would get suspicious as always. "Oh"

The American looked up at him. "Hey, did you ever talk to him again?"

"What?"

Alfred tilted his head to the side. "You used to be so close. I supposed you would reach out to him after school"

Ivan shook his head quickly. "No, I didn't."

Alfred showed him his phone. "Perhaps you should, he looks just like he did when we were in high school. I told you, the guy must be a vampire or something, not a single wrinkle in all these years."

Alfred had taken a selfie with him, and the blonde was right, the Chinaman seemed not to age at all. He still had that serious expression in his face, those black locks of hair contained in the usual ponytail. He seemed to be displeased, maybe not happy to have the firefighters in his house.

Ivan chuckled. "It hasn't been that long Alfred."

The American glanced intently at the phone screen. "But still, he looks like he's twenty."

"Alfred, you do so too"

Alfred gave an undignified gasp. "Because I am still in my twenties, thank you very much. This confirms my suspicions."

"Alfred, he's not a vampire."

The conspiracy had been going around Alfred's head since he was a teenager, Ivan couldn't believe he still held into it.

Alfred shook his head, asserting. "No, he isn't, he might be an alien or a spy. Yes, I think the commies got him years before and this guy I saw it's just a replacement."

Ivan laughed lightly, Alfred had accused him of being a spy since he entered the school. It had become an internal joke after all these years. "Why would he be a spy?"

"I don't know dude, it's suspicious. One would think that you had something to do with it, Mr. Kuryakin."

They both laughed, Alfred took off his glasses and whipped away some tears. "But for real, I think you should talk to him."

Ivan frowned. "Why? we don't talk to each other anymore."

"Hey Ivan, did he do something to you?"

Here it was, Alfred's never-ending questioning."For the hundredth time Fredka, he didn't."

Alfred accused."Then why did you changed so much and stopped talking to him?"

The American's imagination was troubling when it came to this matter, Ivan couldn't convince him otherwise, not even after denying it for so long. He decided to give him a short reply. "Because I realized I spent too much time with him, and that wasn't very good."

Alfred shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV. "I admit, it was a bit strange, but I can't judge."

Ivan elbowed him lightly. "No you can't, Mr. I have a crush on Professor Kirkland."

Alfred seemed delighted, snickering his reply. "Hey, don't bother me with that, I got him to accept a dinner the last time he burnt his kitchen."

" Did you?"

Alfred beamed. "Yes, he was a douche about it, as he always is, but he begrudgingly accepted."

Ivan shook his head. "Fredka, you have a horrible taste in people. Why do you fix your attention in the bitter ones? You are so cheerful and bright."

"Says the one who dated me."

Now was Ivan's turn to gasp.

Alfred looked down and muttered. "You know, I kinda knew it wouldn't work out."

Ivan mirrored him. "Yes, me too." He chuckled. "We are idiots."

Alfred laid back on the couch. "Yeah, but don't take Tolys words to the heart. I admit, you are difficult to handle but you are not bad or undateable."

"Difficult?"

Alfred scratched his head. "Well, I never told you this, but you are so competitive, sometimes I would get super paranoid that you'd get bored of me."

"Alfred-"

The American interrupted."No, it wasn't your fault, it's just, you always work so hard and eventually get a promotion and I couldn't stop myself from feeling a bit jealous and also stuck."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows, glancing at Alfred's hands, they were always warm, yet, they've never been soft. He had worked since they were in the last high school year. "Alfred, you are the chief of the fire department."

Alfred nodded but spoke rapidly, fixing his gaze on the floor. "Yes but you are working in an embassy, speak four languages, that can be a bit too much for some of us. It's not bad because after all, it's you, but as a partner, sometimes I'd get the feeling that you were above me and that I wasn't enough. You also seemed distant, like I didn't need your constant validation so I didn't care too much about it, but perhaps Tolys did care about it, and that's why he said you had commitment issues."

That's was an unexpected insight. Ivan's words were coated with concern. "Alfred, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Alfred looked him in the eyes, clearly frustrated but also confident in his words. "Because it didn't seem like a big deal, and we were going through a rough patch back then, I didn't want to make it worse."

Ivan stared back for a while, unsure of what to say. "Alfred, I'm sorry-"

Alfred shook his head, his tone alarmed "No, don't apologize, those things weren't your fault, it was more of a self insecurity stuff."

Ivan hugged the American tightly. "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred returned the embrace laughing. "You are too affectionate tonight, Vanya. Remember I have a date with Kirkland this week. Sorry, but the firefighter is taken."

Ivan paused, processing Alfred's words, then he burst out laughing.

He was glad to have Alfred around.


	4. Laughter

"Sir, can I tell you something?"

Ivan glanced at the cashier, he was a brunette with short hair, Ivan always wondered how the guy managed to stick out that strange curl of hair, looking at it reminded him of Alfred's attempts at taming his cowlick.

Ivan chuckled at the thought and nodded at the man.

He had a slight trace of an accent in his voice, Ivan couldn't figure the cause of it just yet, or perhaps he hadn't paid too much attention.

The small badge in the cashier's uniform gave out his name "Feliciano" alongside the badge was a tiny tag of a German flag. That sent Ivan a wave of frustration, the accent wasn't german, he was sure of it.

Feliciano was talking to him but Ivan couldn't focus on his words, he was busy trying not to get hit by the guy's hands. He had seen it before, when "Feliciano" was talking excitedly with other customers, he would usually move his hands widely as the speed of his speech increased, making it hard to understand his words. Which was exactly what was happening right now, Ivan had lost track of the guy's words and now he was talking about a recipe of pasta.

Ivan glanced around, looking for some help from Alfred.

The prospect of going grocery shopping this morning wasn't as dreadful as the night before thanks to the American.

Alfred's frame could be seen in the entrance, he was asking if he could put the missing cat paper in the front door. Ivan had advised him not to, seeing the place would get too much attention and he didn't want all of the neighborhood to have his number but the American did so anyways.

Ivan turned around only to meet the cashier's backhand with his cheek. Blinking rapidly he heard Feliciano's apologies, the poor guy was quivering in fear, the brunette glanced down before questioning. "Is it your pet, sir?"

Ivan sighed and nodded.

"Perhaps you could place some cat treats around your home, that may help... uhh Boris? To find the way back."

Ivan felt Alfred patting him in the back, snickering softly, the American smiled at the cashier. "That was a good way of snapping or should I say slapping? him back to reality."

Feliciano faltered starting a string of apologies.

Alfred laughed. "It's fine dude, I'm sure Ivan didn't mind, but the treats are such a good idea, thanks, man. I'll get them and you can keep with your good work."

Having Alfred around was a blessing, he could get out of awkward situations so easily.

Once they were out of the store Alfred burst out laughing. "I can't believe he slapped you."

"It was an accident," Ivan said softly, he looked down at the small bag of cat treats, the picture of a fluffy cat with his mouth open while a rain of fish snacks was falling, caught his attention.

Sighing he observed the American climbing back into the car, he looked excited, like a child that has been finally allowed to seat at the front.

Taking the driver seat, Ivan wondered if the american's excitement was directed to him, the car or the situation. Pushing away those thoughts, the Russian figured that Alfred was happy to visit his brother, he was driving him to Matthew's house after all.

Alfred gave him a light punch in the arm. "Are you ok? You are zoning out a lot."

"I'm sorry."

Alfred took out his phone, typing a message and smiling back at the Russian. "Do you want to visit Matt with me?"

Ivan paused, glancing at Alfred's bright smile and shook his head. "No, Alfred, thank you."

Alfred whined, typing out something on his phone again and pressed. "Are you sure?"

The Russian's eyes were fixed on the road. "Yes. You came on a family visit and I don't want to ruin that."

"You won't ruin it. You are family."

Ivan could see Matthew's house from where they were, the neighborhood was something the Russian would describe as "cute", some children were playing outside, an old lady walking his small dog, the facade of the house seemed like the perfect family house one would see in christmas movies. Ivan wondered how could Matthew pay for it all, Ivan was supposed to earn more than him.

Parking in front of the house, Ivan gave Alfred a small smile. "I don't think Matthew wants to see me, he is the one doing my work at the moment."

The American mocked him. His face showing a fake sense of dread and indignation. "Oh man, he must be going nuts."

Ivan chuckled at Alfred's exaggerated gestures. "Probably, tell him that he can pass some of it to me if he wants."

Alfred frowned. "No way, you are on vacation."

"But-"

The American exited the car, stating sternly. "No buts, you won't work on your vacations and that's final."

Ivan saw him greeting his brother in the entrance, Matthew waved at him and he returned the salute.

The way back seemed longer without Alfred's chatting. A red light made him stop once again and Ivan swore that he was taking too long to arrive home. Ivan reached the bag of cat treats and inspected it, boredom siping through his being, he should have bought something to eat, or perhaps he should have accepted Alfred's invitation, anything was better than waiting in a red light while reading the dietary contents of cat treats.

He opened the window, the day was sunny and a bit windy, he could hear the pedestrian's chit chat, a small kid with his mother was eating ice cream, he smiled at the sight, remembering when Katya would take a walk with him after school when he was younger, Ivan's smile faltered at the sound of an overly familiar laughter.

His head turning in the direction of the laughter, eyes searching for him out of habit. And there he was, crossing the street, walking hand by hand with someone he didn't know, laughing and smiling warmly, carrying groceries and talking with whomever that was.

It was a matter of seconds, three minutes at best but for Ivan it was an eternity, to watch him pass in front of him, the other guy was shorter than Tolys, blonde, and was carrying a… what was that? a purse? a satchel? no, it's too big for that, is that a cat carrier? was that Boris?

No, he must be confused, Bors was at home after Tolys left. Ivan shook his head and glanced up again, they were gone, well, not gone, they were on the other side of the street, walking further away.

They didn't notice him. Why would they? they seemed so happy, one would usually ignore things or people when being happy, right? one would see only the bright side and the joyful expressions of the other, right?

They were happy, Tolys was happy, that's what mattered. They were happy and Ivan was… he was fine, not happy but fine.

He resumed his way back Thinking about nothing and everything at the same time.

When he was finally inside of his apartment, a pulsing ache in his heart was oppressing him, and for the first time in years, he felt like letting himself cry. His body seemed to register the fact before he could think about it, his eyes watered and he started sobbing.

After a while, he calmed down, pondering between calling one of his sisters or Alfred, or just serving himself some vodka and going to sleep. He took out his phone, refusing to call right now, his voice would probably be shaky or he would end up crying again. He tried writing to Katya but refrained from it after some attempts, the situation seemed so stupid and yet, there he was feeling like a small hopeless child all over again.

Reaching the fridge seemed like an easier task.

Looking around the kitchen, he glanced at a sticky note placed in the fridge, its bright yellow looked strange in contrast with the dull colors of the kitchen.

Alfred's scrappy handwriting made Ivan smile again. "No vodka, unless it is to celebrate something." The note said.

Ivan took the note carefully, opened the fridge, looking at the full bottle with another sticky note "I'm serious" it read.

He stared for a second before noticing another sticky note, this time in a lunch container. "I know what you are thinking, Dumbass. Eat something."

Ivan chuckled, taking out the container and the notes. Feeling lighter, he opened the food container, to see some chicken nuggets.

The Russian glanced at the nearest window, the day was still sunny and bright.

He sighed, he'd be fine.


	5. Workaholic

"Brother, you have some explaining to do."

Ivan wasn't pleased to talk with her.

Not when he had been sleeping soundly after a night of overthinking and binge-watching the first series that his computer showed. The Russian admitted that wasn't the best choice he could take, but at least he had refrained from touching the bottle of vodka in his fridge.

His sister's disapproving glance told him that his disheveled appearance was obvious. Not everyone was on his pajamas at 3 pm. Ivan couldn't care any less, except for the fact that it was his dear little sister seeing him like that.

For some reason talking with Natalya has always been hard. Katya was the one he'd come crying to, not Natalya. He had tried to keep up with the appearance of the strong and serious big brother. She had always praised him when they were children, he didn't want to shatter that illusion showing his vulnerability to her. Ironically, she's the first to know if something in Ivan's life is going wrong. It's as if she could read his thoughts and see right through his facade without actually seeing him in person.

Ivan fidgeted with his fingers, not meeting his sister's piercing blue eyes. "I've already told you everything is fine, why would I lie to you? -he looked at the screen, Natalia was frowning- Now, tell me how are you dealing with university life?"

For a moment, Ivan thought that she wouldn't answer, that the connection was lost but the tapping of her fingers on the table told him that she was thinking her reply, her eyes were fixed on him, scrutinizing him. "It's different, like your apartment. I see that Tolys' horrible vase is gone."

Dumbfounded, Ivan looked back, the dining table was indeed empty. He frowned. "Yes, you know what else is missing Natalia? Boris, Boris is gone and I can't find him."

She shook her head, knitting her eyebrows together. "Boris is not gone, you haven't searched in the most obvious place."

Ivan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, he'd never liked the sofa, it was too soft and he felt like a child in there. "Alfred was here."

Natalya sighed, taking a hold of her phone and stating sternly. "I talked with Tolys."

Ivan tried not to frown, he knew that Natalya had good intentions but she didn't have to keep tabs on him like that, he whined. "what? why?"

"Because he posted a picture with this unknown guy and the cat, so I asked him why he wasn't with you."

How did she know what Tolys posted? Ivan wasn't sure if he wanted to know. "Natalya-"

She interrupted, leaving his phone on the table, and nearing the screen as if to watch him closely. "And he told me that you broke up."

Ivan shrugged, trying to lead the conversation. "Well, that's true I-"

Frustration was all over her face, her voice carried indignation that Ivan could not understand. "He said that you were fine with it, that he had moved out and the day after, returned for something and found Boris outside, that he tried calling you but you didn't answer him."

The Russian blinked, processing the information, it was his own fault that Boris was missing. "Oh"

She nodded and huffed. "So, I told him he was cursed and stopped talking to him."

Natalya always joked about witchcraft, scaring some of his friends in High School, Ivan snickered, finding the situation oddly familiar."Cursed?"

The Russian felt guilty when Natalya's voice grew weaker, and her lips quivered. "Yes because how dare he tell me that my dear brother was fine when he wouldn't answer his calls, that's obviously concerning."

"But I'm fine." He tried to reassure her, Natalya looked so similar to Katya at the moment.

"You'd talk about it if you were fine."

He sighed, glancing at the fridge and the bright yellow note still glued to it. "But I already did, Alfred was here and he listened to me. You don't have to worry."

Natalya pouted, crossing her arms. "You look tired and you forgot the video call with Katya."

Ivan paused, he did forget to call them. That explained why they were so concerned.

Natalya's voice was soft. "Vanya, what is wrong?"

He looked up, finally meeting her gaze. "Natalya, I think I was a douche with Tolys."

"Why?"

He glanced at the empty table behind him, muttering his answer. "I kind of ignored him so I could work."

She huffed. "That's stupid. You've always been diligent, he knew that since the beginning. He said he liked your hard-working attitude. You can't pay the rent if you don't work"

Ivan fidgeted with his hands. "I know, but-"

"Weren't you paying for all?"

He nodded. "Yes, but it was a deal, he had to pay some debts and I got recently promoted, it was just for a couple of months. I'm not going to rub that on his face because I agreed to it. What we did not agree, was to constantly cancel everything because I had to stay more time at work. I don't blame him, sister, we spent about two hours together per day."

"Ivan, that doesn't give him the right to cheat on you. Don't justify him."  
He pondered on her words, they held some truth but he still felt guilty."I know, but he doesn't deserve to be cursed."

Natalya's voice was firm, her eyes fixed on the screen. "Brother, I think you wanted to end that relationship long ago but you couldn't."

Ivan couldn't hold his gaze, he shook his head. "Natalya, I don't know, I was somehow relieved when he said we should break up but then he said he knew I didn't love him back and I felt bad, because he was hurt, and when he said he was with someone else I was angry. If I wanted that relationship to end, why would I care about those things?"

She tapped her fingers on the table, stating bluntly. "Easy, you are human, you do care about Tolys and well, you do feel jealousy. Completely normal. But you have to overcome it."

Ivan nodded, unsure of what to reply.

The tapping of her fingers stopped, her eyes were gentle and she smiled. "Brother, you can't be the almighty provider just as father was to us, that's a figure of the past. You have to share and split the economic duties equally and stop being a workaholic.

The Russian looked up, confused. "Workaholic?"

Natalya's smile was brighter but her voice was stern. "Yes, I think Tolys relied too much on you, perhaps he didn't mean to but he didn't ask you not to support him, and that's his fault, I told you he was weak-willed." -She sighed- "Nevertheless, you do have to pay more attention to others, especially your partners. Your relationships don't last, If I'm not wrong, Alfred was with you the longest but you'd also complain a lot more about how he'd refused to let you pay the bills. Brother, you have to remember that you are working to live and not living to work."

Ivan smiled, how weird it was for him to get advice from her. "Thank you, Natalya."

Natalya nodded, waving her hand. "I love you brother but you have to take care of yourself when no one is around. Take a shower and call Tolys, ask him to bring Boris back. We'll talk later. Don't forget to talk with Katya."

He nodded and the call was ended.

Talking with her did change his gloomy attitude. Deciding to follow her instructions he texted Tolys. Receiving the latter's request to retrieve the cat himself. Ivan chuckled, apparently, Boris was giving the brunette a hard time.

Ivan wondered is he should let Tolys be tormented by the fluffy cat another day but refrained from it. It was better not to delay this task anymore.

He headed to the bathroom. Perhaps Tolys could bear with Boris for a couple of hours more, the prospect of a long relaxing bath seemed more appealing to Ivan than to reach Tolys' new home right away.


	6. By the window

The long corridor was an uncomfortable place for Ivan to say the least. He could tell that several families habitated there, apart from the shared elevator ride with children, the people inside the apartment were noisy, tv programs could be heard even when all the doors were closed, there was a dog barking somewhere and the place had been built without consideration for tall people, he had to take care not to hit his head with the lamps and the fact that his head surpassed the door frames made him think he was a gigant.

Knocking on the door, Ivan waited until some steps were heard.

A small blonde opened the door, his green eyes scanned Ivan disinterestedly.

Ivan shifted uncomfortably, looking down at his phone. "I'm sorry, I think I got the wrong address"

The blonde, smirked. "No, you are Ivan aren't you? yeah, you totally look like an Ivan."

The russian nodded, frowning slightly, there was no doubt that this was the guy he'd seen with Tolys yesterday.

"My name is Feliks and you should be ashamed."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows together."Pardon me?"

The blonde waved a hand and laughed. "Yeah, your cat is getting fat, you have to be careful with that.-Feliks paused, examining him again- Though, I can tell that it might be Tolys' fault. You don't seem to be easily manipulated by that fluffy demon. Wait."

Ivan was left alone in the corridor, this Feliks guy had just closed the door in his face and called his cat "fat", how dare he? Boris was just fluffy and big, he wasn't fat..

The door was opened again and before Ivan could contradict Feliks accusations, he was faced with green gentle eyes.

Tolys was looking as usual except for the strange half-done ponytail he had.

Noticing Ivan's stare he quickly took off the elastic holding his hair. "I'm sorry, uhh… Ivan do you want to come in?"

Ivan sighed. "Tolys, I just want my cat back. Natalya told me about the calls."

He didn't want to be mean but he wasn't here to have a chat with Tolys, the situation was awkward enough.

The brunette nodded and smiled tightly. "Right, uhh, I'm sorry, just let me get him."

Tolys left the door open, Ivan could see the interior of the apartmen. It was too colorful for his liking or perhaps too bright, he wasn't sure but there was something in the way everything was arranged that irked him.

Soon the mewling of Boris and Tolys steps were heard, the brunette was holding the cat with difficulty as it trashed and complained noisily.

Tolys handed him the cat."Here he is, uhh Ivan, it wasn't on purpose, I don't want a misunderstanding."

Ivan took it easily, glancing at Boris,the cat had stopped being noisy. "Sure."

The brunette fidgeted with his hands. "Your sister was quite scary."

Ivan stepped back and chuckled. "I Know."

"Ivan, I'm sorry."

Tolys voice was soft and Ivan refused to meet his eyes. "Tolys I already talked with Natalya, it's fine."

The brunette shook his head,."Uh.. I was referring to your other sister but it's ok, she apologized after I explained,"-Taking some hesitant steps towards him he added- "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry, I should have talked to you at home, I mean, in the apartment and not at work. And well, it doesn't make it any better but I'm sorry for not acting maturely and blaming you for everything and I'm sorry for-"

"I accept your apology." Ivan interrupted.

Feliks' head peered at the door His voice made Ivan frown. "Wow, he seriously is as stoic as you said, like really, a man of few words, I don't get why you'd like him Tolys."

Tolys turned back, flustered."Feliks!"the blonde's laugh was heard, the brunette looked back at Ivan. "I'm sorry-"

Ivan turned quickly. "Yeah, Goodbye Tolys. I'll see you when I get back to work"

The ride home was supposed to be peaceful, he had Boris back but he still felt an emptiness lingering. Feliks words echoed in his mind, even when his impression of the blonde wasn't favorable, it still hurt.

When he arrived home, Boris went on his usual business, laying next to the window and glaring at the people outside. Ivan laughed, Boris was his usual grumpy self, he wasn't judging him because Boris didn't care.

It stung his heart to think that Tolys would say something like that about him, but what hurt the most was that this Feliks guy, didn't know him at all and still confirmed Tolys' complains just after a small exchange of words.

Ivan placed a chair next to his cat and mimicking him, he glanced outside. There were a few pedestrians crossing the street, the store by the corner was open, he imagined that Feliciano was there, talking excitedly with an amused client.

A red car passed in front of the store, he followed the automobile until it was out of his sight, perhaps it was Matthew's car, maybe Alfred was inside it, laughing lightly and exchanging jokes with his brother.

Just then, Ivan realized that the emptiness he was feeling was just loneliness. He was tired, not physically but perhaps emotionally. He knew Alfred was his friend, that his sisters loved him, but they all had lives apart from him. As egotistical as it sounded, all he wanted right now was to have someone unconditionally there with him.

Boris purred and Ivan looked down at him. How unfair of him to forget about Boris. He was there, right beside him. Smiling, Ivan reached for his cat and placed it on his lap. "Boris, I think it's time for us to go on vacation."


	7. Train station

"I've never thought I'd get to see Ivan Braginsky again."

As soon as the Russian heard those words, he wanted to disappear.

Just as with Alfred, the voice uttering those words or more exactly the guy saying them was someone Ivan could recognize (not as gladly as with Alfred) but it was unmistakably the voice of Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Thinking back, Ivan guessed that he had some kind of relation to his boss, they shared their last name after all or perhaps it was just a coincidence. Anyways, facing the guy was something Ivan was weary of doing. If Alfred had been his frenemy during High School, Gilbert was a declared enemy at the time, bothering him whenever they crossed paths.

So, in an act of pure cowardy and shame, Ivan decided to ignore Gilbert's question, not acknowledging his presence. It was believable, right? A crowded train station had a lot of noise and he was focused on his upcoming train and not his surroundings. The bench he had to share with an old lady was facing the rails, and the old lady was playing with Boris through the holes of the cat carrier it was in. So, yes, he could pretend he heard nothing.

To the Russian's dismay, Gilbert wasn't discouraged and approached him, standing in front of him and greeting him, as an old friend would do so, offering his hand to shake. Ivan glanced at him and took his hand slowly, the old lady saying something about friendship and how nowadays it was so different. Gilbert laughing, that annoying laugh of his and greeting the lady too. Ivan was uncomfortable, to say the least, Gilbert chatted for a couple of minutes more until she left.

Then taking her seat, Gilbert chuckled. "You are still as socially awkward as you were back then."

Ivan nodded, glancing at his phone. His train was yet to come.

The footsteps of the people hurrying to greet the newcomers were close. Ivan wondered if Gilbert was waiting for someone. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Boris hiss.

Turning his attention to the cat he saw Gilbert frowning and retrieving his hand. "So… are you going back to the good old town?" Gilbert asked.

Ivan sighed, frowning sightly. "Yes. what about you?" His eyes were fixed on the others hand, Boris had managed to bite him.

The other smiled mischievously and waved his hand. "I think we'll be sharing the same train."

Ivan frowned deeper, glancing back at the trails. Gilbert's laugh filling his mind, he couldn't stand it for more than half an hour, it was going to be a long day.

Gilbert patted him on the back softy."Just kidding, gosh, your face was pure dread, am I really that bad of a company to you? "

Ivan shifted uncomfortably on his seat. "Well-"

"No, I get it, I was mean but it was fun, you were so helpless back then but you could hit pretty bad too, you know?" -Gilbert snickered- "The point is, we shouldn't held a grudge against each other."

Ivan looked back at him, he was still as pale as he remembered him, he kept that cunning smirk in his face. But he had obviously grown as he himself had done. Ivan shook his head. "I don't."

The stremolous laugh came again. "Typical, you moved out of town and you moved on from the problems there, right? Why are you coming back?" -he elbowed the Russian lightly- "Want to revive an old flame? I always suspected-"

"I'm going to visit my sister..." Ivan replied swiftly, not wanting the other to start with his ranting.

Strangely, Gilbert seemed to be surprised with his answer, replying after some awkward silence. "Well, that's quite anticlimactic, although the objective of my trip is similar, I have to make sure my little brother is not being too uptight, he stresses way to much, it is my duty as his brother to lift some weight out of his shoulders."

Ivan fidgeted with his hands. "I see."

"Did you knew that Jones still tries to chase after Kirkland?"

The russian frowned, hearing the mocking tone Gilbert had used. "Yes, Alfred is my friend and he told me, any problem with that?"

The other raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Of course you'd be friends. Chill, no problem, I was trying to keep the conversation going as you seemed to be quite bad at it. I will visit them too, Mathew was complaining a lot about work so I'm going to guilt trip my little brother."

Ivan knitted his brows together, he misunderstood his words, not knowing that he kept contact with Alfred's brother.. He was going to reply back but refrained as the heavy sound of the upcoming train would have cut his words.

Gilbert patted him on the back again and stood up. "Well, that must be your train, hurry up before it leaves you and we ended up talking more."

Ivan laughed at his comment and they bid goodbye. The Russian making sure not to leave Boris behind as the cat was awake and mewling from the movement and noise.

Just as he was entering the wagon, he heard Gilbert's voice again, he was near the entrance waving his hand. "Braginsky, tell Wang that my brother would appreciate if Honda would contact him, for business."

Ivan frowned and retorted. "But I don't talk with him anymore."

Gilbert rolled his eyes and winked. "Yeah, sure." Then he resumed his way back, getting lost from Ivan's sight.

Once seated, he was glad the other passengers weren't as talkative as Gilbert had been.

The russian pondered what the other had told him. Alfred has suggested to reach out to Yao too. A strange coincidence but the idea was stuck in his thoughts since then and it didn't seem as impossible as it had been years back.

If Katya had some time, they could visit the old school together and he could use her to escape from awkward silences and the dreadful scenario of talking to him alone.

Ivan glanced at the window, chuckling at how he was making up a whole scenario that hadn't even happened. Gilbert was right, he kept on being his old awkward self, and perhaps he had more than just one reason to visit his hometown


	8. Fresh air

"We have to talk about a lot of things."

Katya was smiling brightly, trying to focus on the road, stopping by to show him a new park.

Ivan smiled at the sight.

It was strange how a simple ride through the small city filled him with joy, visiting old places that had changed so much over the years, he opened the window to get a better look of the new surroundings, the breeze caressing his face while the sweet voice of Katya accompanied him, it was surely an experience he enjoyed.

An experience filled with a peacefulness he didn't have in the big city, where he'd be stuck in traffic for hours, and the stress from work would chase him.

Ivan's joyfulness dropped dramatically when they stopped in front of his old high school. Katya turned to him smiling. "I have to retrieve some exams, you can come if you want"

Ivan nodded, even though he had planned on coming here, the abruptness of this encounter displeased him.

Sometimes, Ivan thought that his cat could read his mind, because as soon as he stepped outside the car, Boris started to protest loudly.

Looking at the tall and grey building made him feel nervous. After all these years, it looked the same. He could see himself walking down the corridors, chatting with Alfred. The polished floor still made that screech noise as people stepped on it.

Katya ushered him to take a look inside, they were received by a woman called Elizabeth, Ivan suspected that the woman mistook him, because she kept on addressing Katya while giving her a thumbs up and winking at him, she didn't ask too many questions after Yekaterina told her they were siblings.

In the main corridor he saw a trophy holder alongside the teams' pictures.

There was a picture of the mathemathletes, and there were the reasons Ivan had made up for fearing closeness, Lien, Yao, Carlos, and himself, they all were smiling cheerfully in the picture.

He could say that he had fallen apart with all of them. Losing Carlos' number, not seeing Lien for her birthday as he was busy working, and Yao, well, they'd stopped talking after a dreadful attempt at asking the chinese out.

He averted his gaze, recognizing himself in another picture, posing with Alfred and Matthew by his side.

He recognized Mr. Kirkland's debate club, as well as the literates, among them was Alfred.

There were a lot of pictures, some he had seen before, others were new. He couldn't help but notice that Yao still appeared in some of them, with other students Ivan didn't know.

Of course he would, time didn't wait for anyone and Yao would probably keep on going with his life. Just as his sister, Yao had become a teacher.

It was almost insulting to discover such things because of Alfred's or Katya's words instead of knowing it from his once closest friend. To say that it didn't bother him would be a lie, Ivan had tried to move forward. It's not like he was obsessed with the oriental man,

He had made new friends, or at least, one new friend, but some nights he found himself wondering, if he even had a chance to befriend Yao again, what would have happened if he had reached out to him as Alfred suggested? If he hadn't been so stupid as to avoid him? Did Yao still remember him? Did he cross the man's mind?

His sister's cheerful voice took him out of his thoughts. "Ivan, come here, take a look at the garden!"

Ivan frowned, he didn't remember any garden, he did remember the poorly done attempt at preserving one they had made, forgetting about it after the year was finished, but even then, they could only manage to plant a few flowers that died quickly.

As he peered into what used to be a storage room, a wall painted with soft blue greeted him, a checklist of activities regarding gardening was written on a chalkboard.

Several rows of hand painted flower pots were arranged neatly in line, he could see some red tulips blooming. He could tell it was made by children as there were messy handprints and stickers alongside names in each of them.

Ivan stepped inside as his sister smiled. The small room gave a heartwarming sight, He saw an empty flower pot, painted with boats and a small sailor, standing by the window.

He reached to touch it, noticing that it wasn't empty, the plant on it was small.

Approaching footsteps were audible, his sister was chatting amiably while Ivan inspected the small plant.

"Oh, Yao, Do you remember my brother? you used to tutor him on math-" His sister's words stopped, the flower pot had slipped from his hands and shattered as it reached the floor.

Ivan glanced around with dread, the sharp noise was loud enough for them to notice, right?

Small chuckles came from the door, he saw Yao and Yekaterina trying not to laugh at him as he stuttered a string of apologies.

The brunette crossed his arms as he approached, examining the mess Ivan had made. Ivan remembered Alfred's conspiracies, and was tempted to believe them, Yao looked as if he had been frozen on time, his face still held the same kind but prideful air. The chinaman shook his head and sighed. "Peter is going to be dissapointed."

As he saw the man smiling, Ivan wanted to disappear, even after all these years he still managed to make a fool of himself. Feeling his face burning, he stepped closer to the door, "I'm sorry, let me clean this up- "

The asian chuckled. "I'll make sure that Alfred bugs you about this, or was it his idea?"

The russian fidgeted with his hands, he was sure that Alfred would make fun of him for this, how clumsy could he be? "I'm sorry-"

Yao entered and retrieved an empty flower pot. "Should I leave him alone, Katya? your brother is flustered."

Yekaterina snickered. "I'll get a broom."

Ivan watched her leave with dread, his heart sped up as he realized he was alone with him. What should he say? Should he bring up their last conversation? Should he apologize for his foolishness back then?

The incident had gained sense as the time passed, of course Yao would reject him, he was two years older than him and about to graduate when his stupid teenaged self declared to love him in front of his friends. The chinese had only stared at him dumbfounded, and he had skipped away from the classroom, avoiding Yao until he graduated.

Ivan sighed, there was no use in brooding about the past, he looked down at the plant. "It is not dead, is it?"

Yao reached for the broken pieces of the pot, putting them away, gently taking the small sprout. "I don't think so, Peter won't notice because you'll paint another one, am I right?"

Ivan nodded. What else could he do? tell a kid that he messed his project?

The brunette smiled, pointing at a cabinet. "Ivan, why don't you get another pot, they are over there."

The russian nodded, promptly doing as he was told. Yao instructed him into planting a rose stem while he observed over his shoulder.

His nervousness decreased as he acknowledged the familiar tone the asian was using. "Peter's plant has not bloomed because Arthur killed it after watering it too much." he explained, "We had to replace it."

Seeing Yao interact with him like that, made Ivan realize just how disconnected he had been from this place, he no longer knew where the grocery store was, and he was clueless as how to conversate with him. Somehow, he managed to improvise an awkward small talk about gardening and Arthur's bad luck.

When the task was finished and the dirt cleaned up, Katya waited by the door, watching him with a smile. "It is so nice seeing you two talk. It reminds me of my school days."

Once they reached the car, Boris was meowing loudly. Sniffing his hand as Ivan reached to pet him.

Katya chuckled, pointing at the flower pot in his lap. "I can't believe you managed to exit school with homework."

Ivan laughed with her, at least now he had something to do besides tagging along in her errands, but a small part of him knew that he had an excuse to talk with Yao again.


	9. Warmth

"What is love? What is love if it isn't the warmth you get when you see your lover?

It is the urge of being close, to feel and assure that the other person is right beside you, love is when you know that everything is real but you still feel like in a dream. What is love if it isn't adventuring into a world full of discoveries?"

Ivan listened closely, the actor delivering the lines was very emotional, trying to convince his girlfriend of not leaving him.

Katya's eyes were glued to the screen, watching a romantic movie with his sister wasn't how he had imagined his vacation would be.

He wasn't complaining, but he didn't agree with the movie either.

What the actor described was not realistic to him, for Ivan, love was growing accustomed to the company of another person, it was when you'd share a silent routine.

These past few days he'd realized that he had, in fact, loved Tolys. Every morning, Ivan had to go through the short process of making coffee for himself, only to be dissatisfied as it didn't taste as the one the brunette used to make.

Love, he thought, was acknowledging those small details. Not sharing a long discourse about feelings when there was nothing left of that love between a couple.

When the credits rolled, Katya stretched herself, her eyes were bright, matching the smile she wore. "I like this movie so much"

Ivan returned the smile, this was love too, sometimes he seemed to forget it, but for the moment, he relinquished in Katya's explanation, her highlights about the cheesy scenes and the happy ending.

If he had ever loved someone in his life, that person would be Katya, and Natalya, it was easy to dismiss the affectionate acts that they had done, because they were constant, he could always come to them, though, distance had made the small details evident.

"Francis is so talented, there is always a bit of himself in every character he depicts." Katya's cheerfulness was criticized by a small meowl coming from her lap, a sign that Boris' cozyness was disturbed by her movements.

Placing the grumpy cat aside, she stood up. "We are going to eat out, Sadik recommended this restaurant, he said the food was an otherworldly experience. Whatever that means, I hope is good."

"Good, who's Sadik?"

The question left his mouth without much thinking, he was confused at first, honestly asking because he didn't know who the person was, but Katya's sudden fidgeting and rummaging through the living room gave off the fact that she was somewhat flustered.

She was "arranging" the curtains, turning his back on him, after a long sigh she answered. "A friend."

An amused smile grew on Ivan's face, he kept silent.

She huffed. "Don't make that face"

"I am not making any face."

She opened the door, furrowing her brows. "Yes you are. You make that face as if you knew something, but you don't because there is nothing to know."

Ivan chuckled, taking his coat and stepping out. "My face is like that, I'm sorry, I asked because you never mentioned him before."

Katya stayed silent, fumbling with her keys, she sighed, meeting his gaze. "A friend."

Ivan hummed.

"A friend that I like" she huffed, turning on her heel and walking hurriedly away.

"I knew it." He laughed, trying to follow her. "Is this friend of yours going to be there? I don't want to be a third wheel."

She huffed, her cheeks growing red. "Yes but don't worry, there's more people."

Ivan frowned. "More?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "I know but if I had told you, you'd refuse. I understand that you get uncomfortable with people you don't know but it's not like that, Lien, Yao and Arthur will be there."

Ivan slowered his steps. "I don't know,"

Katya snickered, taking his arm and ushering him to hurry. "You have no choice."

After some useless whining from Ivan, he decided to give up. When his sister acted like this she was unstoppable. It was thanks to her that he had become friends with Alfred. Perhaps this could end up with a positive outcome too.

Katya led him to a small restaurant, from afar the facade seemed white, adorned with green leaves that framed the outlines of the building.

A group of people was there too, they were chatting by the entrance.

As they got closer, Ivan recognized Arthur, Yao and Lien, he turned to Katya, an unwary look on his face. "I don't know if I want to have lunch with my literature teacher."

Katya laughed. "He's not your teacher anymore."

Unfazed, she greeted them loudly. "Did Sadik recommend the restaurant to you too?"

Arthur stared at him intently, muttering something to Yao.

They looked at each other, Yao chuckling. "Of course he'd recommend it, the food is excellent."

Lien waved her hand, she made a beeline to them. "I haven't seen you in years." Her voice carried a slight disappointment, but her face was serene.

Ivan turned to his sister, silently asking her for help. To his dismay, Katya crossed her arms giving him a disapproving look.

He shifted on his feet, "I'm sorry-"

She shook her head, "It's ok, I get caught up with work too, I didn't talk with anyone until my project was finished, but it was time for you to see my restaurant."

Ivan nodded, glancing around. "It 's beautiful."

She nodded, a small smile formed on her lips.

The place was small, a bit uncomfortable for tall people like him, apart from that, he found the restaurant to be cute, "aesthetically pleasing" was what Natalya would have said. The rustic furniture made from wood was equilibrated with a variety of floral arrangements and soft colors.

Ivan walked flusteredly behind Lien, wondering why they were friendly towards him. He didn't talk with her anymore and Yao had probably pitied him for being so clumsy the day before.

They sat at a large table, a waitress taking their order and leaving hastily.

A tall man approached them, greeting everyone and sitting next to Katya. "You must be Ivan." he said.

Ivan nodded, "Sadik?" he felt Katya elbowed him before he added. "Nice to meet you."

The man laughed, stretching out his hand and shaking it. "They have described you well,"

"They?"

Arthur fumbled with a napkin. "Alfred talks a lot about you."

Ivan furrowed his eyebrows, "Alfred?"

"We meet every Friday, for our gourmet club, we make the food and he eats." Yao explained.

Not wanting to fall into silence, Ivan asked. "You all come each friday?"

Sadik laughed, "Not all, Arthur is banned from the club since he almost burns my kitchen"

"It was only once," Arthur whined. "And it didn't burn, I told you I was better at baking."

As Ivan watched them laugh and talk, a slight warmth enveloped him, the familiarity and cheerfulness of their attitude was infectious.

He observed quietly, the food was served, but they kept on talking, teasing Arthur and joking.

A smile graced Ivan's face as he finished his food, Sadik had been right, it was delicious and the company had made it better. He was sure to miss this when he came back to work.

Yao's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "How's the plant doing? Did you water it?"

Being addressed directly took him out of guard, the others were focused on him, expecting his answer, he took a sip of tea to mask his nervousness, nodding slightly.

Arthur glared at him, "So, you ruined Petter's plant."

Ivan fidgeted with his hands, not knowing what to answer, it was embarrassing enough the day before.

Yao laughed. "You have no saying in this, Arthur. You killed his plant too. Ivan will replace it, right?"

He nodded quickly, the warmth feeling that engulfed him had settled on his face.

Why was he shy out of nowhere? in the office he had to talk to a lot of people, he was one of the few who spoke with Ludwig without fearing him, but here he was afraid, he wanted to make a good impression but why? These people knew him, yet he found himself almost muttering his words.

He wasn't sure if he was flustered or if it was the tea's doing, but he was certainly blushing.

The last time he felt this vulnerable was when he talked with Alfred, it was a bit uncomfortable, but it wasn't unbearable, it was certainly a feeling he could get used to instead of secluding himself with his cat, not that Boris' company was bad but it wasn't fulfilling.

Here, he didn't feel lonely, here, he had some friends or at least acquaintances,

Ivan reminded the words from earlier, "What is love if it isn't adventuring into a world full of discoveries?" Those were the words that the actor had said in the movie.

This wasn't love Ivan thought, but he found himself yearning for those new experiences, and if he was lucky, and sociable enough, he wouldn't have to go that far to find friends to share those experiences with.


	10. Dinner

The morning was quiet, Ivan woke up startled as he glanced at the light leaking through the curtains, so much light meant that he had missed his alarm, that he'd be late.

He hurried out of the bed, cursing slightly as he stood up too fast, his head dizzy while he looked around the room, trying to find his phone.

Putting aside that thought, he opened the wardrobe, taking out something to wear, tosing it to the bed and walking hastily to the bathroom.

When he closed the door, his brain seemed to register two important facts. Firstly, the room didn't look like his room and secondly, this wasn't his bathroom.

Ivan sighed, the sudden bolt of energy that had him on his feet was vanishing from his body as he reminded himself that he wasn't in his apartment, he was in Katya's house and he didn't have to work today.

The annoyance he felt, washed out after he took a shower and dressed. Boris stretched and purred while Ivan sat on the bed. Why didn't he attempt to sleep again? He hoped that his sister wouldn't notice his stupid mistake.

He wandered for a bit in the corridor, the fluffy cat following him around. Ivan wondered what he should do next. Was Katya even awake?

He decided to go downstairs and make breakfast for them. His eyes scanned the surroundings slowly, the creamy color of the curtains, the photograph hanging on the wall, and finally, his phone laying on the table. The artifact seemed to mock him, marking the hour, seven o'clock.

The working schedule had shaped his life for so long that even on vacation, he'd be up checking the clock to see if he could make it to the office on time.

He glanced at the photograph from earlier, it was a picture of Natalya, showing off her school diploma, the silver medal hanging from her neck had reflected the light, making the photograph look a bit blurry. Ivan chuckled, that picture was surely Katya's doing, she was clueless when taking photos, at least with this one, he could tell it was Natalya.

A slight prickle of guilt stabbed him, he had missed Natalya's graduation. He didn't know when it had been held, obviously last year, but he didn't know the exact date. Natalya's accusations gained sense, he had missed a lot of things lately.

Brushing off the discomfort that this realization gave him, he went into the kitchen, served some food to Boris and made some coffee for himself.

Glancing at his phone, he noticed a string of messages from Alfred.

The last one was a meme that read "Were you going to tell me you are visiting the good ol' town or was I supposed to find out myself by calling Arthur?"

Ivan couldn't help but chuckle, he typed out quickly. "Sorry, I forgot"

To his surprise, Alfred called him back, he picked up only to hear Alfred's accusative tone. "I would have returned with you!"

Ivan hummed. "You were with Mathew."

A gasp and Alfred's voice changed, muttering. "I left my nuggets in your fridge"

Ivan took a sip from the coffee, replying softly. "I ate them"

Alfred's laughter was heard. "Treason! but it's fine I'm a traitor too, I gave your number to Arthur" Alfred added quickly.

Ivan paused, waiting for him to continue. when it didn't happen, he set aside the cup of coffee, whining."Why?"

The small chuckle on the other side of the phone told him that it wasn't a mistake, "and Lien."

"Again, why?"

Ivan could distinguish Mathew's voice, it sounded distant. "I told you to ask him-"

Alfred beamed. "why not? you should have done that. Also you are on vacation, you have to get out of your sister's home more often and I assure you that each of them will likely be available to do something. Is a mere assumption but I think Yao has your number too, you know because of Lien, I totally did not give your number to three people without asking you."

"Am I on speaker?"

The american laughed "Of course you are, I had to annoy my brother this early in the morning with our rambli-"

Mathew's soft voice cut him off. "Ivan is not annoying but you are Alfred"

Ivan laughed, hearing Alfred's gasp, a loud laughter was also heard, Ivan couldn't stop himself from frowning, what was Gilbert doing there?

As if reading his thoughts, he heard Alfred whining about his phone while his voice grew further away. Gilbert's laugh stopped. "Hey, Braginsky, do yourself a favor and talk with Wang. We all know you were simping for him in highschool. You can thank my generosity later, I even gave you an excuse, ask him about his cousin Kiku." and with that he ended the call.

Ivan was left with his phone in his hands, he took the cup of coffee again and finished it. He got another message from Alfred "These are the contacts, but I'm not telling you who's who, and you have to write to them because if not I'm calling them myself, you have until tomorrow." it read and was followed by phone numbers. Ivan was sure it was Gilbert's doing.

He put the phone aside with a groan and busied himself in the approached as he tried to make a decent breakfast, Katya's voice was soft. "You didn't have to"

Ivan turned to look at her, a sheepish smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I made weirdly shaped eggs, how do you manage to get them perfectly round?"

She giggled, taking a cup of coffee. "You've never been good at cooking, you should have made pancakes. Baking is more of your thing."

"True"

She helped him place the plates on the table, taking a seat. "I thought you had somewhere to go"

Ivan sat next to her, pausing. "Why?"

She took a bite of her food, shrugging. "Well, you woke up early and I heard you saying something about being late."

Ivan groaned, there was no way he could explain that to Katya without lying ."I thought I had to work."

Yekaterina laughed while Ivan tried to busy himself with breakfast.

When they finished Katya took the plates, Boris following her to the kitchen, meowing constantly, she patted the cat on its head. "Are you hungry? has Ivan not fed you?"

Ivan rolled his eyes."Boris is a liar, he already ate. Natalya's picture is cute, you've gotten better at photographing."

"Still, you can tell it was me who took it."

Ivan smiled softly. "Yeah, but it's better." he glanced at the window, the day was sunny, he didn't remember the sky in the city being that clear. "You know, I might go out and take a walk around the town."

Katya nodded. "If you get lost just call me."

* * *

The small town didn't offer many places to visit, he had already gone into the museum finding it to be exactly the same as when he had visited as a school excursion, the place was smaller than what he remembered but the exhibitions were kept intact.

He decided to have lunch in Lien's restaurant, though she was not present, so he had to awkwardly sit alone while the rest of the commensals were in pairs or in groups.

By the afternoon he was wandering around the park, it was a strange feeling to be by himself in such a public place, but the quietness was relieving. He sat on a bench observing the people that passed hurriedly.

Along the pedestrians closing the street, Ivan could recognize a familiar face, it was Yao, Ivan lost sight of him as he entered a grocery store.

This made him ponder the idea of entering the store too and greeting him, Ivan frowned, perhaps that'd be too weird, he didn't have to buy anything, though, he could pretend he had to.

He shook his head, why was he debating that silly idea? Why would he go and talk to Yao? he refused to acknowledge that part of him that replied "why not?" He would only end up making a fool of himself, again.

Ivan waited on the bench, fighting the urge of looking back at the grocery store, he fidgeted with his hands, perhaps he could buy some coffee, yeah, he wasted a lot of Katya's coffee, it was only logical to buy her some.

He stood up, taking hesitant steps towards the street, once he reached the glass doors of the store that opened automatically, he arranged his scarf, stepping inside.

The variety of products was overwhelming, he had to hover around looking for the coffee, when his eyes landed on said product he had to mentally slap himself, just right next to it was Yao picking up some tea.

The chinese man was holding two different brands as if comparing them.

Ivan stood still, observing the annoyed expression he seemed to have, perhaps it wasn't the best moment to approach him, he was obviously busy and Ivan had no real reason to talk with him.

The russian's heart picked up his pace as Yao's gaze almost caught him staring, almost, because Ivan's legs seemed to act before he could cast a coherent thought, turning away and hurriedly walking to the next aisle.

He stayed there for a while before checking around for a glimpse of the chinese man, finding him paying for his goods.

Ivan picked up the nearest product on his reach and made a beeline to the registers, avoiding the one Yao was in.

Every now and then, he found himself checking if the Chinese had left, until the latter finally got his change from the cashier and struggled picking up his groceries, heading towards the door.

Ivan watched him leave, hurring to pay for his… honey? Why was he buying honey? He shook his head, whatever, he focused on paying and leaving as quick as he could.

Outside he spotted Yao again, picking up his pace, Ivan called out to him. "Do you need some help with that?"

Yao flinched, pausing his steps and looking back with a glare, softening his expression after a second. "Oh, Hi Ivan. I'm sorry, I thought I was being followed and you surprised me" he let out a nervous laugh. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I was buying honey." Ivan replied unsurely, he knew it was a bad idea, why did he get into this situation?

"Oh, that's nice, I could actually use some help with this" he held out a bottle of wine. "I forgot to bring another bag and I am not paying for one, it's such a waste of money."

Ivan nodded, taking a hold of the bottle carefully. From what he could see, all that Yao had bought were vegetables, maybe tea and wine, a strange combination. "What is this for?" He asked, trying to fill the silence.

"Dinner." Yao laughed. "Thank you for helping me, that thing is so delicate, I swear that this is the last time I'll follow Francis' recipes. Leon would make fun of me eating this fancy stuff."

"Francis' recipes?"

Yao nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, you've heard of Francis Bonnefoy? The actor? He was a college friend of Arthur, he used to come for our gourmet club but nowadays he is abroad, so we chat through a video call and such, he gave me his 'special recipe' and ushered me to serve it with wine."

Ivan nodded slowly, Arthur and Yao seemed to have a lot of friends.

"I'm sorry, this conversation must be so weird." Yao said, offering an apologetic look.

Ivan shook his head, did he look disinterested? "No, It's not. I like when you talk about this."

Yao paused, lifting an eyebrow. "You do?"

Why did he say that? Ivan felt his cheeks burning, laughing nervously. "Yes, you are interested in food, right? Like in gastronomy and such, you are passionate when you talk about it, it's... nice."

Yao smiled, pausing his steps. "Yeah, it's like a hobby that is not a hobby because I hyperfixate on it, and there aren't' any other hobbies for me."

"I might need one of those."

"A hobby?"

Ivan nodded, taking a few steps forward but stopping when Yao didn't move. "Yes, I focus way too much on my work, and it hasn't paid off the way I wanted."

Yao frowned, shifting from one foot to the other. "I am very sorry to hear that, uh.. my house is here so…"

Ivan glanced at the house, it was smaller than Mathew's house but it gave the same familiar air, it had a small garden with roses. "Oh, sorry, I thought you lived further from the store."

"No… but if you want, I can offer you a treat, for helping me." Yao offered, motioning to the house.

The russian falthered, the heat returning to his face. "That's not necessary."

"Please, Dinner is almost ready, I made a bit too much and it's less weird to eat that fancy stuff with someone."

Ivan pondered on the idea, he was sure it would be the opposite of less weird with him getting flustered and clumsy.

Yao pressed, smiling at him. "You could tell me more about the things you are interested in, perhaps we can find you a hobby."

The russian nodded, following Yao into the house, perhaps he'd be awkward but wasn't this the point of wanting to approach Yao back in the store in the first place? To befriend him?

A warmth feeling overtook him as he chatted with the chinese, watching him serve the plates with such care as if he were performing the finest form of art.

Perhaps he was, Ivan thought when he took a bite of the glorious boeuf bourguignon he made. At least his french classes were useful here too and nor only on his work.

"Do you want some more?" Yao asked. He hadn't lied when he said he made too much food.

Ivan found himself nodding eagerly, he didn't want to taste anything else in his life if it didn't come from Yao. When he finished he was beyond satisfied.

Francis was right, the wine was the perfect accompaniment and it eased his nerves a bit.

He managed to keep up a fluent conversation, refilling the glasses every now and then, until he realized they had actually finished the bottle.

Ivan sighed, glancing at Yao, he was blushing a bit, probably the wine's doing.

The warmth feeling he experienced yesterday was present, Ivan would be lying if he said he didn't know what it was, the russian leaned forward gaining Yao's attention, before Ivan could stop his words, he simply stated. "I like you."

Yao's eyes widened a bit before smiling softly. "I like you too Ivan, it was a nice dinner but you seem to be a bit tipsy, shall I call your sister?"

Ivan glanced at the empty bottle of wine, nodding. "Probably."

He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed when he left with Katya.

"You didn't tell me you had a date." Was what Katya had told him in the car.

She kept teasing him the whole way back while he dismissed her assumptions, they were not even close to a date because it was just a friendly talk.

Just when he was about to reply to Katya the sudden realization hit him. Yao wasn't rejecting him, Ivan had told him that he liked him and he had said he liked him back. Was he making assumptions now?

Why was he even thinking about it? But... why not?

Ivan looked back at Katya with a serious expression, fidgeting with his scarf.

She paused her teasing, a sheepish smile on her face. "Don't get mad, it was a joke."

Ivan shook his head, sharing an unsure glance to her before muttering "Can you give me Yao's number?"

"Of course, I thought you had it." Yekaterina let out a short laugh. "I can't believe you didn't ask him."

Ivan laughed too. He had been really slow.


End file.
